


Wasted Youth

by came0utswinging



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Mass Effect Trilogy, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-03-21 03:40:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13732380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/came0utswinging/pseuds/came0utswinging
Summary: With Scott staying at home for a year after an accident, Ryder is trying to transition into University life without her twin brother. Adaar simply wants to knuckle down and get a degree without drawing too much attention to herself - which is difficult when you're seven foot tall and built like a brick shithouse. The two first years are placed into University housing among three vastly different second years; what could possibly go wrong?Expect awkwardly nerdy Ryder, very naive Adaar, brooding Mahariel, stupendously purple Hawke and mostly renegade Shepard alongside a cast of familiar faces trying to find their place among sex, drugs, rock 'n' roll, drinking, heartbreak, stupid presumption and the all around antics of growing up.Aka, the self indulgent University AU that no one asked for.





	1. Ryder - Homecoming

_Ryder_

Growing up, Ryder had had visions of herself moving into University. She could see it clear as day; her Mother hugging both her and Scott tightly, tearing up, her Father trying to keep his strong nature and not shed a tear as his twins set off into adulthood. They'd hold hands and take their first step together - brother and sister, the dynamic duo, partners in crime - just as they always had.

In reality, Ryder had turned up sweaty, flustered and alone at the front door to her new University house, luggage in tow. Not quite the spectacular moment that she had always dreamed of.

As it was, her Mother had died just two years prior, missing the chance to send her children off. With her often absent Father throwing himself into work to staunch the grief, Ryder had no longer expected either parent to see her off. She had, however, always thought she'd have Scott.

Fate, however, had other plans.

A car accident three months earlier had almost claimed her brother's life; luckily, he had survived and was on the mend but three broken leg-bones meant a year deferring his entrance to University.

This meant that - as she fumbled with her new key - Ryder had turned up completely alone.

Stepping inside her new house, Ryder noticed noticed immediately that the place was dark and seemingly uninhibited. Shrugging it off - she had turned up at the earliest day possible - she flicked on the lights, pulled her luggage inside and surveyed her new habitat for the next year.

The front door opened to a simple living room, the carpeted floor tapering off into tile and a sectioned off kitchen. Television, uncomfortable looking sofa, white walls and garish art; classic University digs. At the end of the room were three rooms; a small bathroom and two bedrooms, labelled 1 and 2. On the right, a staircase. Ryder glanced at the key she had been given; a large 5 was painted onto it. She sighed, cursing the thought of having to drag her luggage up the stairs and walked onwards to find her room.

\----

"So, found any hot girls yet?"

"So many I've been beating them off with multiple sticks!"

It hadn't taken Ryder long to set up her things in her new bedroom (simple decor - thankfully no more garish art - a bed, a wardrobe, desk and chair, some shelves all provided) and s promised her first move after settling was to set up a video chat with Scott. Seeing her brother again had made her at least feel somewhat at ease even if only via the internet.

It was still taking her time to get used to his new appearance; in an act of belated teenage rebellion, the twins had made a pact to dye their hair disgustingly bright colours before university. Scott had chosen a platinum blonde (dying his beard alongside his hair - bad move) and Ryder had chosen a hideously luminous orange for her own. Still, it was the same man she loved dearly; the face that was so similar to her own looking back at her, all olive skin, round baby face and a smattering of freckles. Two peas in a pod.

"I knew it. My sister, bonafied heartbreaker and not at all prone to blushing and stuttering around cute women" Scott winked.

"You know, I  _could_  bring up you trying to ask but Michael Holt when we were seventeen at that party but-"

"No!" Scott laughed. "Please, have mercy"

"Maybe this time"

"Don't forget you're on a boy hunt for me, too"

"Oh, is that it?" Ryder laughed, rolling her eyes. "You send me here first just to set you up?"

"I figured you big me up then I sweep them off my feet with my dashing good looks. In fact-"

Before Scott could finish his sentence, however, the unmistakable sound of the front door opening rang through the house followed by a group of muffled voices. Ryder froze.

"Thought you said you were alone in the house?" Scott asked.

"That's what I thought"

"Didn't you check?"

"Yes, Scott, I overturned every bedroom just in case"

The voices continued, growing louder, laughing as Ryder groaned. She had hoped for at least a few hours to settle before having to meet her new housemates.

"Well go on then! Make introductions! Feet! Sweeping" Scott waved his hands, shooing her eagerly.

"Alright, alright. You'll still be on when I get back?"

"Hard to run with a busted leg"

Ryder sighed again, pulling herself up off her bed. With Scott yelling words of encouragement from her laptop, Ryder padded out into the hall and down the stairs. Upon reaching the bottom she stopped and peered out at the group of strangers crowding her kitchen.

To her dismay, there were more than she had anticipated; seven in total, lounging around the kitchen and sipping beers. Leaning against the counter and facing her was a human man, slouched against the counter, a hat atop his head; next to him a male Turian standing very close to a female Quarian; then, two humans, a tall woman with long dark hair and a shorter, stouter dark haired man; closing the group circle, a muscular, red-headed woman with her arm around the waist of a Asari maiden.

Ryder stayed frozen in her position, cursing the fact that she hadn't stopped to make herself more presentable. At least one of these strangers was her new housemate and she was wearing fluffy rabbit slippers. Briefly, Ryder considered running upstairs to change but was stopped when a voice called out.

"Hey Shepard!" the man with the hat smirked. "Looks like you've got a mouse in the house!"

Ryder could feel her face heating up as every single one of the group turned to stare at her. Embarrassed and awkward, she went to scratch the back of her head. Decided against it. Dropped her hands to her sides. Worried she looked too hostile. Looked at her feet. Cursed her slippers. Looked back up to see them still staring.

"Uh... hi... I didn't think anyone else had... moved in yet" Ryder cleared her throat but her voice still came out small.

She watched the Turian nod at one of the women, who  placed her beer on the counter and approached Ryder. Even as she walked, every seemed planned and meticulous; she was straight backed with a furrowed brow and held herself with an air of importance. Coming to stand in front of Ryder, she silently stuck out one hand to shake, her face unreadable. The woman was taller than Ryder and looked like she could - and probably would - throw her out of the window with one arm, without breaking a sweat. Her choppy red hair did nothing to hide the intensity of her green eyes, the few scars dotted across her face or the smattering of freckles on the bridge of her nose that matched Ryder's yet somehow looked so much more  _badass_.

Ryder was - for lack of a better word - fucking terrified of this woman. Still, she took her hand and tried her best to meet the strong handshake she received. 

"Shepard" the woman said.

"Huh?" replied Ryder, not noticing that she was still awkwardly attempting to shake the woman's hand.

"My name. It's Shepard. Second year"

"Oh, right. Ryder"

"You're one of the new ones"

"Yeah..."

Shepard was staring at Ryder. Ryder felt like melting into the ground under the stern gaze.

"My hand" Shepard said.

"Huh?"

"Let go of my hand"

It was then that Ryder looked down and realised that she was still clutching Shepard's hand. Blushing beet red, she dropped it quickly, stuttering.

"Shit, shit I'm so sorry, I-"

Shepard looked about to say something when laughter erupted from the man with the hat behind her.

"Oh, stop it, Shep, you're scaring the poor girl!" He waved, smiling at Ryder. "I'm Joker. Don't mind her, she can't really shoot lazers from her eyes"

Shepard folded her arms and turned to glare over at Joker; Ryder was almost certain she saw a small smile creep onto her face, however.

The rest of the group followed suit, introducing themselves; Garrus. Tali. Ashley. Kaidan. Liara. Ryder smiled accordingly, waved awkwardly and felt sightly better about the whole situation. That was, until, she decided to blurt out 

"So if she's the Shepard you must all be the sheep, right?!"

The room was silent as seven pairs of eyes stared into her soul; Ryder wished the ground would swallow her up whole and end her torment. 

"I'm going to bed now..." Ryder said weakly after a tortuous minute of silence, running up the stairs as fast her legs would carry her. To her credit though, she did hear a few laughs behind her as she left; she chose to believe they were laughing with her and not at her.

As she reached her room, Ryder closed the door and threw herself down on her bed with a groan.

"So, the bunny slippers weren't endearing enough, huh?" Scott asked from the computer.

\----

Over the next four days, Ryder got to know Shepard slightly better. Whilst they weren't friends, she at least felt comfortable enough to share dinner around her and had learned a few basics; she was taking sports and activity courses, lived in room 1, had been with her girlfriend Liara for six months and didn't have any parents. It wasn't a life long friendship in the making but it was enough.

As the fifth day rolled around, the occupant of room 2 arrived. Ryder never saw her move in and didn't see her until noticing her having a very brief conversation with Shepard in the kitchen; the twp obviously knew each other but not well.

A small, slender elf with hair that looked like it was growing out after being shaved, she had introduced herself as Mahariel; the telltale intricate facial markings and thick Welsh-esque accent had Ryder realising that she was Dalish, a rarity amongst a public University. Before Ryder could ask more about her - curious as to why she was here and not in a Dalish University as many elves were - she had quietly vanished back into her room, only making Ryder more curious about her new housemate. 

\----

On day six, a loud knocking on the door awoke Ryder. Stumbling out of bed, she opened it only to walk straight into the chest of a large Qunari woman. Peering up, the woman looked as nervous as Ryder felt and waved weakly.

"Hello" she had a strong Southern English accent and her voice was extremely soft, almost unsuitably so. "I believe this is my new house?"

"Don't you have a key?" Ryder asked.

"I do I just... thought it would be polite to knock first. I didn't wake you, did I?"

"It's fine, honestly" Ryder gestured for the woman to come in.

The Qunari towered over Ryder and was built like a warrior but she walked with an almost shy grace despite the fact that she was easily carrying all of her luggage without breaking a sweat. Ryder followed her upstairs to bedroom 4. 

"Need any help with anything?" Ryder asked.

The woman smiled at Ryder. 

"No, it's fine, thank you but please come in. What's your name?"

"Ryder"

"I'm Adaar. It's nice to meet you"

Encouraged and warmed by Adaar's seemingly genuinely kind and soft nature, Ryder sat with Adaar and chatted to her as she unpacked. For the first time since moving in, Ryder didn't feel afraid of her new housemate; she was for once confident that she was making a new friend. 

Their conversation was interrupted, however, by the sound of the front door swinging loudly open. Exchanging puzzled looks, the two women headed down the stairs to greet the arrival.

"Ah, Aveline, mon cherie, my greatest thanks for your 'elp"

Sitting at the dinner table at the back of the room was Mahariel, reading a book and seeming unaffected by the new arrival. In the kitchen, Shepard stood, glaring, arms crossed and thin lipped. In the middle of the room, a woman Ryder didn't recognise; tall, thin, with a shock of messy black hair that looked like it would never lie completely flat and a small red scar across her nose, she was half yelling in a terrible French accent at someone outside the front door, arms raised out, taking up the room as if it were always her own. 

"How many times do I have to tell you to stop with the Orlesian accent?" 

Another woman walked into the room; just as tall but much stockier with long ginger hair. She set down the bags she was carrying in the middle of the room before nodding towards Mahariel and Shepard.

"Hello Mahariel, Shepard"

Mahariel simply nodded back. Shepard waved, still tight lipped.

"Aveline"

The dark haired woman turned to Shepard, a shit eating grin spreading across her face.

"If it isn't my best friend, the Commander" she said, mock saluting.

"You're not funny, Hawke. You've never been funny" Shepard growled.

"Tough crowd"

" _Hawke_ " Aveline warned.

"Alright, alright"

Hawke grabbed her bags dramatically and headed for the stairs as Aveline approached Ryder.

"Are you both moving in?" Ryder asked.

"What? No,  _no_. Nothing like that. Neither of us are... we're both very straight" Aveline recoiled in shock slightly. "Childhood neighbours. Someone had to get her here in one piece"

Aveline smiled fondly.

"I still don't know why you put up with her" Shepard muttered.

"Some days, neither do I" Aveline laughed.

Shepard, however, didn't seem amused. Ryder's curiosity peaked although she didn't get a chance to vocalise it as Hawke bounded back down the stairs, phone glued to one ear.

"Yes, yes, yes.... I've only been here five minutes.... careful, someone might overhear and think you missed me.... yes, I'm around people so you  _can't say that_.... I don't care if you think it's obvious... I'll be there soon....  yes, I'm with Aveline..."

Hawke recoiled as the woman at the end of the phone yelled " _Hey big girl!"_ before dissolving into uproarious laughter as Hawke ended the call. Aveline''s jaw clenched.

"I don't know why you're friends with her"

Hawke shrugged.

"Someone's got to put up with me since I switched classes. C'mon, I'll walk you to your car"

"You're going to see her? You just moved in"

"Careful, Aveline, people might think we're married again" 

Aveline scoffed.

"And if you aren't careful people with start to think you're sleeping with her. You know she'd get with anything with a pulse. Those kind of rumours, you'll never get a man"

Ryder noticed a small glint in Hawke's eyes as a smile crept across her lips, something that Aveline seemed to be ignorant to.

"Ah yes, how would I ever live with myself. Mother would be so disappointed"

With a vague wave from Hawke and a nod from Aveline, the two headed back out of the house. Shepard grunted, muttering something that sounded a lot like " _I can't fucking believe it"_ and stormed off  into her room. Ryder turned to Adaar.

"So" she said. "Lunch?"


	2. Hawke - Flirtations, Sexuality and Other Things Aveline Doesn't Need To Know About

_Hawke_

It was exactly six minutes and fifty three seconds cycling distance to the apartment that Varric, Isabela and Merrill shared. Just enough time for Hawke to repeat the same damn song, again and again on her headphones as if the words may burn, teeter and change; as if, if they did, everything would change.

" _I can't get rid of you  
I don't know what to do _

_I_ _don't even know who is growing on who"  
_

Varric and Isabela hadn't always lived with Merrill.

They had, at first, lived with the son of a Templar which had ended badly for everyone (but mainly him). Although Merrill's kind nature and wealth of warmth meant that any harsh words thrown at her were simply reflected with kindness, Varric and Isabela soon had enough of people taking advantage of the innocent elf. Quicker than lightning - through connections that Hawke didn't question and demands that she was never quite sure of - Merrill had taken the young man's room, under the protective, familial watch of Varric and Isabela. Their fondness for the elf was endearing; two people who knew just how fucked up the world could be trying to shield someone who still had hope.

Almost poetic.

 _"'cause everywhere I go you're there_  
_Can't get you out of my hair_  
_Can't pretend that I don't care, it's not fai_ r"

Hawke hadn't always studied alongside Varric and Isabela.

When starting her first year, Hawke had done exactly as her Mother had wanted and taken any physical course she could. Army training, physical education, sports; a timetable filled with sweat and horribly cramped showers. She had joined with Aveline, after all, and spent the first three months trailing after her and trying to fit in as her terrible jokes fell on deaf ears.

And before University?

More foundation courses filled with trying to create young policemen, guards, soldiers... Templars too, if you listened hard enough, a hushed up profession that no longer _technically_ existed thanks to the deformation of the Circle just a handful of years before; Mages could study with those without magic, the Templars supposedly disbanded. Still, when there's a prejudice, there's a way.

She'd shared them all with Aveline.

She'd shared them all with Shepard and half of her friends.

Once, they'd even been friends.

Until, three months into University Hawke had had enough. Tired of being the odd one, of sticking out like a sore thumb and most importantly of not forging her own path she'd taken the initiative to switch to literature classes. Shepard had caller her a coward; Aveline had said she was worried that Hawke was changing, that her Mother was fearful. The trouble was, Hawke hadn't changed for years; people had simply seen what they wanted to.

_"I'm being punished for all my offenses  
I want to touch you but I'm afraid of the consequences"_

Despite it all, Hawke still didn't quite feel free. She was confined, bird in a cage, ribs ready to rip open and burst with all of the smoke and lies she was keeping inside. She hadn't changed; she just hadn't told Aveline or her family who she really was; about the "might be gay" thing.

She'd known since she was a teenager and like any teenager she'd experimented; sex, drugs, drinking, smoking and most of all  _girls_. It wasn't her fault that her Mother had been too wrapped in grief, too wrapped in Carver acting out and Bethany cowering to notice what Hawke was doing.

It wasn't that Hawke hated her Mother; she she didn't even resent the fact that she was both expected to act a certain way and hold up her entire family at the same time. It was more that the more she could hide from her family - and by extension, Aveline - the better. They simply couldn't handle more loss, even if it was of the pinned up bedsheet ghost of a real person.

So Hawke took her role as Aveline's "funny friend", defender of the family and eventually one to settle down, marry and have children with the perfect man.

 _"I want to banish you from whence you came_  
_But you're part of me now_  
_And I've only got myself to blame"_

Isabela and Varric, however, had never wanted her to be anything but herself. As soon as she'd stepped foot into her new classroom, she had locked eyes with Varric and just  _known_.

This.

This dwarf.

This dwarf is best friend material.

So it was, they'd been tied together ever since; the lanky human and the tiny dwarf, fighting together against the the world, the end thereof or just a huge amount of coursework.

And Isabela?

Hawke had known from the beginning she was in trouble.

 _"You're really growing on me_  
_(or am I growing on you)_  
_You're really growing on me_  
_(or am I growing on you)_  
_Any fool can see"_

It was the same story, the same thoughts that plagued her mind as she skidded down the hill on her Father's bike towards the apartment, as the same song played, as the situation never changed.

("and why keep the bike?" Isabela had asked, once. "You've inherited enough for a car"

"It's sentimental"

"Oh sweet thing, sentiment is just fraud with a  sugar coating")

Isabela was first and foremost her friend - and a close one at that. It was this mantra that Hawke chanted, again and again in her head as she chained the bike to the front of the house. If she chanted it enough, maybe she'd start to believe it.

Hawke had always known she was in trouble. Not because Isabela stole her breath away (which she did) or because she was beautiful (which she was) but because they got along,  _so well._ They understood each other; they told the same jokes, read the same books, drank the same beer. Of course, a fleeting physical crush could be passed over with a cold shower or a fuck but actually liking each other's company?

 _That_ was the trouble.

Yet, despite it all, Hawke would keep coming back and she could tell herself it was simply for the amazing sex but she'd know deep down that that was a lie.

Still, as Hawke knocked, as the door opened and her lover stood in front of her - a thin, almost open silk robe and nothing else hinting that the house was all but empty - Hawke swallowed it all down.

\----

It was hard to be worried about anything when Isabela's mouth was working  _so deliciously_ between her legs. Hawke was pretty sure that mouth could cure almost any ailment her mind might have. Her sex appeal, her appearance, her willingness, her selfishness, her apathy, that face put on for the world could almost convince anyone.

Almost.

The intensity of Isabela's eyes when she looked up to watch Hawke positively writhing; possessive.

The way Isabela's fingers gently traced the tattoo of her Father's family crest when Hawke was pretending to nap (even though she always insisted Hawke never sleep over; even though her insistance had gotten weaker and weaker over the past few weeks); gentle.

The too loud bell-chime of Isabela's laugh when Hawke told a terrible, terrible joke; endearing.

The way Isabela stood up for the weak, the poor, the picked on; courageous.

Isabela's almost perfect work notes, taken with feigned apathy, her wit, her awful puns; _adorable._

Sides that most people - if anyone else - never saw. Sides that Hawke tried so hard to pretend were just for her. Sides that Hawke knew  _weren't_.

If love was gushing emotions, sickly sweet, sticky as syrup, teeth rotting and obsessive; Hawke didn't want it.

If love was every love poem she read, every song she heard, every lilted way her Mother or Aveline described it, words turning into butterflies; Hawke didn't want it.

If love was bitter and careless, heartbreak and knives; Hawke didn't want it.

If love was hanging around with Isabela, friendship and sex burning as one and just about swallowing down her jealousy at the knowledge of her lover having other casual partners; Hawke could deal with it.

\----

Despite the fact that they often turned up at the bar together, somewhat disheveled, Anders and Aveline were never any the wiser. An exaggerated eye roll from Varric, a smirk into his drink from Fenris and a giggle from Merrill and yet they still believed Hawke was _straight_.

As Isabela and Hawke arrived, grabbing their drinks from the usual University bartender (a second year, friend of Shepard's who got moon eyed over just about any girl that looked her way twice), they approached the usual table to find Aveline telling Varric a story that he was not-so-subtly scribbling down onto a napkin. Fenris was beside Varric, an eyebrow raised, listening.

"Varric. Big girl" Isabela drawled.

"How many times, whore"

Hawke cleared her throat loudly and sat next to Aveline before Isabela could; if she'd told them once she'd told them a million times but it never stopped the insults.

"Where's-"

Hawke swallowed her sentence as Varric jammed her thumb behind him, not looking up from his scribbling. Looking up, Hawke followed his gesture to another table where she saw Mahariel sitting among two human women. Next to her, Leliana - Mahrial's girlfriend, sharing Hawke's class and someone who could spin a story to rival Varric - waved to Hawke. They had known each other, briefly, when Leliana had volunteered at the Chantry in Hawke's hometown; Hawke had never asked why a young Orlesian was alone and without family in Lothering and in return Leliana never asked who had let a swarm of crickets into the Chantry to make Bethany laugh on harvest day.

The other woman was dark haired, slender and seemingly constantly loathing being around others. Hawke hadn't ever had a conversation with Morrigan and by the way Morrigan looked at her, she had figured that Morrigan wasn't willing to either.

Standing next to the table, Merrill was having a conversation with Mahariel in what Hawke assumed to be Dalish; beside her, Anders was having a conversation about the abolishment of the Circle with Morrigan. Or, at least, Anders' version of a conversation; him talking passionately and Morrigan not even pretending to listen.

Hawke was brought out of her reverie by a thick Antivan accent.

"Ah! My lovely Queen!"

"Zevran!" Isabela laughed as the lean blonde elf who had approaching their table swept her into his arms, kissing both cheeks.

Hawke swallowed a lump of jealously. She  _liked_ Zevran, she really did; she also happened to know that he and Isabela had slept together on at least three separate occasions and were possibly continuing to do so.

"Ah, and the beauty of the Amell family" Zevran gushed, leaning to kiss Hawke on both cheeks. Hawke smiled her greeting through a sip of her beer although Zevran's attention had almost immediately snapped to Fenris. More reserved this time, Zevran smiled, putting out a hand with a slight bow for Fenris to take. Fenris raised an eyebrow, about to say something only for Mahariel to snap Zevran''s attention away.

"Lethallin" Maharial called from behind them. "Aneth ara" 

She stood to greet Zevran; a close handshake, pulling one another in. Her nose wrinkled as she looked at the human that was accompanying Zevran.

"Ah, you brought the dog" she spoke tersely although a small smile lifted the corner of her mouth.

"Hello to you too, Mahariel" Alistair replied, sighing.

Hugs, handshake and some happy bouncing from Merrill were exchanged as the two groups once again separated and Merrill and Anders took their seats at Hawke's table. As soon as they sat, Isabela gestured the group in close, conspiratorially.

"So" she whispered as everyone leaned in, coy grin plastered to her face. "When are you going to fuck Zev, Fenris?"

The whole pub turned to stare as Isabela's laugh rang around the room, followed by the  _thunk!_ of Fenris throwing a napkin container at her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a lot of ideas for this story - unfortunately, as with any, the set up has to come first. When the first kernel of this idea came to me, it was originally going to be told through Ryder and Adaar's eyes only; a story revolving around them being the "new kids" and trying to fit in. However, I realised that the story worked better with a revolving perspective of all five characters; it will be clear whose eyes we are seeing the events through at each point. That being said, it seems to me that Shepard, Ryder and Hawke are more reactionary and aggressive characters whilst Adaar and Mahariel are much more passive; the likelihood is, the former three with be getting more limelight due to this. I don't want to favour any particular character but I also don't want filler so who knows!
> 
> Either way, I hope you enjoy and feedback is always appreciated.
> 
> The song Hawke is listening to is Growing On Me by The Darkness, a love song that was highly rumored to be about pubic lice (but isn't really)
> 
> Also, the bartender will be returning a fair amount if people managed to twig who I was referencing.


	3. Ryder - Death By Ass-fixiation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More set up and world building; the duller part but necessary especially with a story that involves so many character. Time to meet my favourite group of rag tag nerds, the crew of the Tempest!
> 
> (As opposed to my favourite group of rag tag badasses who we will be seeing in the next chapter when we visit Shepard)
> 
>  
> 
> I'm exhausted so I haven't double checked so I sincerely apologise for any typos, they will be fixed very soon. Enjoy!

_Ryder_

Mornings had never really been Ryder's thing.

Ever since she could remember, Ryder had been being dragged out of bed by her collar (thanks, Dad) or woken up to a steaming hot beverage and a kiss on the forehead (a more genuine thanks, Mom).  Shit, since she'd been able to hold her first mug she'd been a sucker for coffee, stealing sips when her parents weren't looking and, when she was old enough, requiring at least two one strong cups to get her brain kickstarted for the day. It was an integral part of her daily routine, something that her twin had never shared an enthusiasm for; as much as she loved her brother, Ryder would always be able to admit that he was incorrect about a lot of things.

It was a simple concept; why get out of a warm, toasty bed and adventure into a world of potential embarrassing situations when you could... well, just not do that?

Unfortunately for Ryder, staying in bed forever had never quite been conducive to anything... and neither had the snooze button that - on the first day of her new classes - she had hit no less than six times. Her plan for the morning had been a good one involving getting up early, a hearty breakfast and making herself look no less than jaw-dropping to impress her new classmates. As it were, by the time Ryder finally decided to check the time she was already fifteen minutes late and hadn't even attempted to get out of bed. 

With a muffled "Shit!" Ryder vaulted out of bed, pulled on the first vaguely matching shirt and jeans possible, spent no time putting her face together (minimal eyeliner and a ponytail today it was) and chugged a still scaling cup of coffee before booking it to her first class.

There had definitely been better starts to the day.

-

Despite being late - as well as born unlucky - Ryder managed to get to class before it started and throw herself into the only free seat. She did, however, manage to make the red head in the seat next to her - who had definitely not been paying attention - jump out of her skin as she slid into place, panting, and half collapsed over the desk.

"Oh my Gosh!" she sqeuaked, before adopting a more concerned expression. "are you okay?"

Ryder nodded, still out of breath and tried to pull herself back together slightly before turning to the woman.

"I'm good, I'm good, I just -  _ohmygodIloveyouraccent"_

Not only was Ryder not a morning person, she was not a particularly smooth person either - in her hurry it had taken her a moment to notice the strong Scottish accent.

"I mean... Uhhh" Ryder tried to backtrack but thankfully the girl next to her just laughed.

"Thank you. I'm glad you're okay" the girl stuck her hand out. "I'm Suvi"

"Ryder. Nice to meet you. Sorry about the word vomit" Ryder took Suvi's hand, shaking it lightly.

"Ohh, you're making friends already?" a voice on Suvi's other side pitched in and Ryder followed it to a Salarian, eyes widening mischievously as he spoke. Suvi gestured to him. 

"Ryder, this is Kallo, long term friend of mine"

"A glorious entrance" Kallo laughed and, despite an awful morning, Ryder found some relief in being introduced to people that were laughing with her and not at her. 

Before Ryder could attempt to really get to know her new acquaintances, the attention of the class was drawn to the front of the room as their teacher - an Asari matriarch - began to address the class. To her credit, Ryder tried her best to keep up with the pacing, scribbling down messy notes as the matriarch regaled the curriculum for the first year of the course and attempting to create an index in her journal for the Scientific terms that she knew she wouldn't remember (which was most of them). 

By the time a couple hours had passed, Ryder had a cramp in her hand, a headache at the thought of the lectures to come and a sinking feeling in her stomach as her teacher asked the class to get into groups of three to five for their first experiment. Just more excuses for her to embarrass herself in front of strangers.

To Ryder's immense relief, she realised she would only have the embarrass herself in front of people she had already embarrassed herself in front of before when Suvi tapped her on the arm.

"Ryder! Want to team up with Kallo and I?"

"Definitely yes"

-

 Teaming up with Kallo and Suvi turned out to be a lot of fun. Ryder spent the following couple of days sitting in the sun surrounded by books, theorising and drafting their first experiment and soaking in the late Summer sun as well as swapping stories with her new friends.  

Suvi had told her how just last year she had met a famed Scientist and had mistakenly asked what was under her dress; Ryder had shared how she and Scott once had a daring contest to see who could eat the weirdest ingredient.

"Honestly" Kallo laughed. "It surprises me that either of you are still alive"

Ryder  looked down at the piece of paper in front of her from her position lying on her stomach, covered in messy equations and groaned, rolling onto her back. 

"You know, this wasn't how I envisioned spending my first real Friday night here" she moaned.

"You could always come back with us" Suvi said. "We're having a movie night with a few of our neighbors"

"I look forward to it" Kallo's tone was sarcastic and Suvi rolled her eyes at him.

"Kallo has a fued with one of the boys next door-"

"It is not a feud! He's incompetent"

"And in our class, actually" Suvi put in. "Might be a nice chance for you to meet some of the others in the class"

"Sounds good to me" Ryder replied.

The trio began to gather up their papers and books, dusted the grass off of their clothes and headed in the direction that Kallo set.  Ryder tried to calm her nervous stomach at the thought of meeting a whole house full of new people

Pros: potential new friends.

Cons: the potential to embarrass herself so badly that she could never show her face in the University ever again.

Either way, it would be interesting at least.

"So, do you know anyone else from the class?" Ryder asked Suvi as they approached the front door. 

"Just one girl but I haven't actually seen her in class much. She flits around a lot" Suvi replied, clicking her key into the lock.

"Flits around?"

"She's insane... and a pain to live with" Kallo scoffed.

"She's funny" Suvi laughed. 

As Suvi swung the door open and stepped inside, Ryder began to hear the voices of the house's occupants drifting through the open door.

"...I'm doing it! It's not my fault that it's a shitty TV" 

"Well obviously try hitting it again... no, stop, I was being sarcastic! Look, let me have a go, meathead"

"If you two break my TV..."

Ryder noted something strange as she stepped inside; she recognised one of the voices but couldn't quite place it.

The house layout was set out almost identically to Ryder's own, down to the same furniture. Glancing around the room, Ryder noted the owners of the first two voices; two men stood a TV playing only static, one crouching down and hitting it to try whilst the other stood above him looking exasperated. Sat at the table was an Asari, one single marking on her lip, an Angaran maleand a human,the owner of the voice that Ryder new she recognised but couldn't quite place. She furrowed her brow, trying to figure out the familiarity as the woman turned towards her to greet Suvi and Kallo. 

"I'm glad you're back, Liam's about to-" she paused, taking Ryder in for a minute before widening her eyes in realisation.

"Is that really... one of Alec Ryder's kids, right?"

"Uhhhhhhhh" Ryder stopped in her tracks, drawing a complete blank. The woman stood from her chair and walked towards her, offering a hand. 

"Cora Harper" She said, shaking Ryder's hand. "I interned for your Father a while back"

"Oh!" Ryder exclaimed, shaking back. "Right, right. I remember... sorta"

Cora laughed. 

"I don't expect you to remember me. I don't think we met for more than ten seconds but I saw the picture of you and your brother on Alec's desk pretty much every day"

Ryder let out a breath of relief, glad that she hadn't manage to forget someone important. The man crouching by the TV stood and, upon noticing Ryder, immediately stood and bounded towards her.

"Finally!" his companion sighed, crouching to try and work the television. As he did, Kallo ran over to him, tutting as he watched the man work.

"Honestly, Gil,  _that's_ your plan for fixing it?" 

"What's up, I'm Liam"The first man said as  he clasped Ryder on the arm and... was he  _flexing_?  "It's good to meet you"

"Alright, alright" Ryder recognised the flanged voice of a Turian coming down the stairs alongside heavy footsteps. "I've finished, no more work tonight"

The owner of the voice,  a tall Turian, walked into the room, gesturing at Cora and,  _wow_ , the amount of people was overwhelming Ryder completely.

"Only if Cora and Lexi promise too. I mean it, guys, you  _have_ to see this, it's an absolute classic" Liam enthused as Cora rolled her eyes.

"Oh look, a tiny human" the Turian said, finally noticing Ryder.

"I'm not that tiny!"

"You are pretty tiny, Ryder" Suvi laughed.

"Ryder?" the Turian asked, studying her as her mandibles twitched in amusement. "Oh, I get it now. So  _you're_ the cute one"

Ryder could feel the heat rising to her face; she didn't need a mirror to know that she was blushing a horribly red colour and had no way to stop it. Cute one?! unfortunately, the Turian just laughed at her reaction.

"You live with Hawke" she clarified. "Varric and Isabela - her friends - like nicknames. Guess that's the one they chose for you"

Ryder nodded, unable to either speak or hide her blush. 

"I didn't know you knew Hawke" Ryder said, stupidly, when she finally regained her words.

"One of my... associates. Between the three of them, they have pretty much all of Thedas covered. I'm Vetra, by the way"

"Wait what do you do?"

"I'm a student, obviously" Vetra replied. "And in my spare time I help people"

 

The look that Ryder received told her not to push further. Thankfully, she didn't need to as the TV roaring to life proved enough of a distraction for the focus to leave Ryder.

-

Before long Ryder was nestled on the sofa between Suvi and Kallo, beer in hand, laughing heartily with her new group. She had learned the final names she needed - Lexi and Jaal, respectively - and was happy getting to know the people around her. The house, she had found out, was occupied by Cora, Vetra and someone who's name she didn't quite catch along with Suvi and Kallo; Liam, Jaal and Gil were the boys next door that Suvi had mentioned (and, to her dismay, she wasn't lying about the disagreements between Gil and Kallo) and Lexi lived in the medical accommodation near the hospital wing. She had been studying the longest, her degree of choice taking the longest but also meaning that she had knew most people on campus.

("Between Hawke and Shepard" she had said, shaking her head as they spoke about Ryder's own housing. "I've had to go through enough medical supplies for fifty people. Honestly, I'm just glad Anders is there to help shift the load")

Cora, Ryder learned, was in her final year of studies with Vetra one year behind her. Vetra also had an uncanny way of seeming to know almost everyone that came up in conversation although Ryder didn't push as to what kind of "helping people" lead to this. Gil shared her class, she soon found, with Jaal and Liam also being first years.

Surprisingly, Ryder felt comfortable in this big group of strangers-turning-friends; they were an easy group to talk to and as the beer flowed, they became even easier to talk to. Soon she was laughing as if she had known these people for years, telling jokes and ribbing each other; for the first time since she had moved in, Ryder didn't feel the gaping hole that being without Scott had left her. 

The film still had yet to start; Liam had promised to leave it until the final housemate had showed up, although after multiple calls, texts and banging on the upstairs door everyone was getting impatient.

"If she isn't here in five minutes I'm starting it without her" he muttered.

"Another beer, Ryder?" Gil asked.

"I feel I would be insulting the hospitality of these house owners if I said no"

"Great. You can get them from the fridge then"

Ryder rolled her eyes, as she pulled herself up from the sofa and opened the fridge to get out a case of beer (and another two bottles of dextro beer for Vetra). As Ryder placed the beers on the floor, ready to close the fridge back up, she noticed something odd; a metallic-like object that was also... faintly glowing? Ryder reached out to touch it, her curiosity getting the better of her.

"Hey guys, what's-" 

" _Wait!"_

Ryder had barely brushed the object when she heard the voice; she barely had to time to register the voice at all and no time to turn around before she was tackled to the ground, falling flat onto her back. Ryder hadn't even registered the spike of pain in her back due to shock. She had, however, noticed the weight of another body straddling her and she looked up with a frown to se who her attacker was. Ryder's frown had soon turned into a deep blush, however, upon seeing who was atop her.

An Asari, dressed only in a tight tanktop and tighter jeans, was straddling Ryder, a large black marking across her eyes and a cheeky grin plastered across her face.

 _Oh shit_ Ryder thought.  _She's hot._

"Hey" the Asari said, bouncing slightly on her knees. She has an exuberant energy about her, as though she were constantly wanting to be on the move and it was definitely not helping Ryder get her brain back.

"Uhhhhh" 

Luckily, the Asari didn't seem to mind... or at least if she did, she didn't mention it.

"That's mine. I needed somewhere to keep it cool to see the reaction"

"Uhhhhhh"

The Asari - having finally noticed that Ryder had lost the ability to use words - leaned further forward, placing her hands on either side of Ryder's head and sliding back slightly, actual concern etched on her face as she studied Ryder more closely. As she did so she brought their faces closer together, sliding their chest against each other; Ryder assumed it was an automatic gesture but it took every iota of willpower for Ryder to not buck her hips up as the Asari's body ground closer against hers.

"Are you okay? I didn't give you a concussion, did I?"

Ryder tried to respond in a normal way, she really did. Perhaps a "No, I'm fine thanks" or a "thanks for the concern" would have sufficed. Unfortunately, when the only things that could go through her head was an even more intensified version of  _OH SHIT. SHE'S HOT._ Ryder couldn't string together words at all, let alone attempt to respond in a normal way. 

Instead, all Ryder did was blush even harder and let out more stuttering.

_"Uhhhhhhhhhhhh"_

"What are you doing?!"

 _And Cora Harper saves the day. Wait... shit. There are people in this room..._ Ryder's brain kicked back into action a little too late. 

"Get off of her!" A disgruntled Cora yelled out. "Honestly!"

Ryder felt the weight lifting off of her and looked up to see an amused Vetra lifting the Asari off of Ryder by the back of her shirt - causing it to  _oh shit_ ride up slightly, showing off a small strip of blue stomach smattered with a handful of freckles. Ryder wanted nothing more than to reach out and trace them; Vetra pulled the Asari to her feet and shook her head, sighing as if chstising a naughty child. The Asari shrugged.

"What?"

"You broke Ryder" Vetra sighed again, offering Ryder a hand and pulling her up. "You okay? Any injuries? I'm sure Lexi can-"

"I-" Ryder cleared her throat and tried again. "I'm fine, honestly. Just... didn't expect it"

"I wouldn't expect anything Peebee does" Vetra narrowed her eyes at Peebee who threw her arms out in a gesture of faux innocence; although Vetra tried her hardest to look like a chastising Mother, her mandibles still twitched in amusement. "At least now you've met the last housemate"

"And we can finally start the film!" Liam piped up. 

Thankfully, the rest of the group had taken Ryder's earlier inability to use words as simply having the breath knocked out of her. After opening more beers, they all settled down to watch the film. Ryder found herself back in the rhythm of laughing and jeering along, as if surrounded by old friends. For the first time in a while, she finally felt completely comfortable and contented at her new University... even if she couldn't help stealing glances at Peebee in the dim lighting. Once, she even caught Peebee glancing back; Peebee had thrown her a big grin that had filled Ryder's stomach with butterflies before turning back to the film. If Suvi next to her had noticed she didn't say anything.

When Ryder finally left in the early hours of the morning, she felt lighter than she had since moving out of Father's home; lighter even than since her Mother had died. Her life had always revolved around family, especially since the Ryder name had become a smear on society thanks to her Father. Whilst she had had friends before and even a brief lover or two, Ryder's life had always revolved around that one thing and, above all, Scott. Whilst she still missed him dearly, she walked back to hr house finally feeling at peace without him by her side, newly confident that she could make friends and survive her first year without him.

 _Anyway_ , Ryder smiled to herself as she opened her front door,  _I definitely have an update for Scott._


	4. Shepard - Traynor's Tragic Love Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how to write Kaidan at all so apologies for the little he probably speaks. I'm an Ash girl. Sorry. #notMYvirmiresurvivor

_Shepard_

 

Shepard loved late Friday afternoons.

Late Friday afternoons meant sitting with her closest friends in one of the University's bars - the one time it was regularly quiet - and kicking back, something that until now she hadn't done much in her life. Born high strung and to a life of tragedy, these afternoons gave Shepard a sense of peace she rarely got. Ever since Traynor had gotten her gig as a bartender, the group had managed to set aside these afternoons to spend together.

Besides, making fun of Traynor was  _always_ fun.

So it was, Shepard relished the fact that she got to sit on a crummy bar stool, leaning back against the bar beer in one hand and the other linked with Liara's. The most common topic - biotics vs brawn - was once again up for discussion with James - cheered on by Ashley - tried to arm wrestle a biotically charged Jack, Miranda next to her, face in hands and groaning.  Shepard shared a glance with Garrus on her other side, one eyebrow quirked and if Turians had eyebrows she was sure he would be quirking one back. Still, Shepard knew that she herself would choose brawn; despite her modest biotics, she had never been interested enough to hone them into anything spectacular and relied entirely on her physical durability during her classes.

The bar itself was nothing spectacular; fairly sized and littered with chairs that had seen better days and tables with one too many marks from years of being used as bottle openers. A handful of televisions hung from the walls and a few outdated pool tables sat in one corner. It was by no means the main bar that students tended to flood to but for Shepard it was home. Her entire group spread themselves out around one side of the bar as usual. While the argument raged on Joker was quizzing Traynor - who had been attempting to shake a cocktail on one side of the bar - about some kind of politics involving AI's that Shepard had never really been interested in. Something that was being said had Tali - on Garrus' other side - in a fit of giggles although that could have jut been the alcohol. Kaidan seemed to simply be trying to comprehend James' side of the argument.

Shepard turned to Liara with a smile; she was honestly still thrilled at the fact that she got to call the beautiful maiden hers. Liara brought out a side to Shepard that she had never before really considered, one that cared for romance and patience. If there was anyone that would talk her down when she was angry, it was Liara.

Shepard brought Liara's hand up to her mouth, kissing her palm gently, eyes gazing across her freckled nose. A light blush spread across it, spattering her skin slightly purple as a shy smile curled her lips. Liara was a lot less shy now than she had been when they had first met the previous year but she still seemed bashful about public displays of affection... especially when Jack made a habit of whooping or making inappropriate comments whenever she saw one. Shepard had always been well aware that she had been Liara's first in literally everything, something that she could never give her back; still, she only hoped that she could provide the Asari the happiness she felt around her. When Liara dipped her head and placed a chaste kiss to Shepard's cheek, she was sure the feeling was mutual.

"That's not what I was saying" Shepard turned in her seat to hear Traynor exclaim incredulously at James who was chuckling to himself. 

"Don't look now guys" Joker laughed. "Traynor's in love"

"Traynor's  _always_ in love. Fucking gay nerd" 

"Wanker" Traynor replied, making the corresponding sign at Jack.

"Insightful as always, Jack" Miranda watched the conversation, chin in one hand and wine in the other, smiling almost coyly.

"Oh fuck you" Jack whipped her head back round to snarl at Miranda.

Shepard felt Garrus nudge her sharply in the side.

"Betting pool's still open" he murmured to her.

"If Jack and Miranda were together, they would have told us" Liara whispered back to him.

"Sure, T'Soni. that's why Jack's been living at Miranda's place"

"Jack had nowhere else to go!"

"Uh-huh"

"I'm putting twenty in" Shepard smirked at Garrus.

"Shepard! That is inappropriate!" Liara chastised her although it was fairly weak.

"Twenty five" Tali had turned back to them and this time Liara's attempt at a serious face cracked.

"That's my girl" Garrus replied to Tali, patting her leg fondly.

James bursting into uproarious laughter had Shepard turning again to a now red-faced Traynor.

"Is that her?" Ashley asked, eyebrow quirked, head nodding in the direction of the door.

"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about" Traynor muttered.

Shepard followed Ashley's nod, curious as to Tranyor's newest infatuation.... and ended up looking straight at Ryder.

"Wait, what?" Shepard turned back to Traynor. "You're into  _Ryder_?"

"Who?"

Shepard mimicked Ashley's nod.

"The tiny, baby faced one with the weird dye job"

"No! Not her! _Her"_ Traynor pointed in Ryder's direction, exasperated.

"So you are admitting that you have a crush!" Ashley exclaimed, leaning towards Traynor.

"No!"

Shepard followed Traynor's finger to the red head that was standing next to Ryder. Taking in the group that had entered with Ryder, Shepard realised she barely knew any of the fresh faces. Vetra she knew by name, barely; Cora she had trained with on occasion and the two were friendly. Shepard had a great respect for Cora and all she had done at such a young age; she looked to Cora as someone she could have become had she wanted to train her biotics. Peebee was someone Shepard knew more about than anything, mainly from her giving Liara constant headaches when the two had shared classes the previous year. Peebee had a habit of making outrageous claims - especially about Athame - that the always logical Liara would alwayys argue against, only to Peebee's great amusement. Liara's complaints had stopped when Peebee had dropped out part way through the year and Shepard was surprised to see her back, walking very closely next to Ryder nonetheless. The rest were new to her, including the red head that Traynor had been gesturing to.

"She's very intelligent" Traynor was back to talking about her not-crush. "The other day she was talking bout a paper she wrote on different types of soil in her spare time and it sounded  _fascinating_ "

"Wow" Jack drawled sarcastically. "She sounds like a real winner" before a "fuck off!" in Miranda's direction when she received a swift elbow to the ribs.

Ryder and friends had commandeered a table on the far side of the room and Shepard could see that Traynor was nervous about the fact that they might come and order drinks soon.

"Invite them here" Shepard felt James punch her shoulder in emphasis in what he surely thought was a good plan. 

"No!" Traynor squeaked. 

"That is the worst idea I-" Shepard's comment was drowned out entierly when a second group barged into the bar.

_"WE ARE HERE TO DRINK YOUR BEER AND STEAL YOUR RUM AT THE POINT OF A GUN"_

"You've got to be fucking-"

_"YOUR ALCOHOL TO US WILL FALL CASE WE ARE HERE TO DRINK YOUR BEER!"_

Shepard hated Friday nights. 

Despite the fact that the bar wasn't often occupied by the larger, louder, clubbing type groups, there was one group of regulars that Shepard for the most part couldn't stand at all. 

Watching Hawke (arm in arm with Varric and Isabela which if were anyone else, Shepard would have found amusing; Hawke's lankiness was always highlighted by Isabela's much shorter, curvier stature and with Varric's dwarven build... well...) burst into what she often considered a safe haven, singing loudly and being a fool as always sent a jolt of anger through Shepard. She couldn't even go  _home_ now without having to see Hawke and she was already sick of Hawke's constant antics.

Watching Ryder begin to laugh at Hawke as Hawke bounded over to greet her made Shepard even more annoyed. Ryder was going to be  _her_ friend so that she could set Traynor up... and not at all because everything with Hawke was a competition that Shepard wanted to win.

Shepard watched Hawke, Varric and Isabela trade greetings - mostly with Ryder, Peebee and Vetra - whilst the rest of Hawke's friends slotted into their usual booth. She didn't ned to hear Jack's stool move to know that she would be bounding over; Hawke and Jack exchanged a friendly handshake-turned-brohug whilst Peebee animatedly told Varric something that quriked his interest enough for him to bring out a notepad. Shepard barely caught Isabela slip something to Vetra - barely -  with a wink and Vetra shook her head with a twitch of her mandibles.

"We should invite them over" Shepard said, not taking her eyes off of the group.

"Is Traynor really prepared for this?" Joker gasped in mock surprise as Traynor swatted him. 

Too late for Traynor, a now determined Shepard had already waved Cora over. Cora walked towards the bar and - with a tap on her shoulder - brought Ryder and Suvi with her.

"This is not a game you need to win" Liara hissed in Shepard's ear; too late, as Shepard was already on her feet to greet Cora. They shook hands firmly.

"It's good to see you Shepard"

"And the same for you" 

"Uh, hi" Ryder said meekly. Shepard had always picked up that Ryder carried a nervous energy whenever the two were in the same room and was never sure why; nevertheless, she patted Ryder on the shoulder (unbeknownst to Shepard, hard enough to terrify her even more) before introducing herself to Suvi. Before she even had a chance for a proper introduction James had already swept in, grasping Suvi by one arm and leading her to the bar... and Traynor.

"A drink for the lady?"

Cora quirked an eyebrow at Shepard who just shook her head dismissively.

"How is Lexi doing, Cora?" Liara asked.

"She's well - stressed, as usual" Cora replied.

"You both overwork yourselves" 

"Coming from you, Shepard?" Cora laughed. 

Ryder squirmed awkwardly next to Cora; when Shepard tried to smile at her she grinned back, full teeth and completely awkwardly fake, Shepard thought she'd never find someone as awkward as Traynor and yet here was her housemate in front of her as living proof. Ryder glanced back over her shoulder to where the group of Vetra, Peebee, Hawke, Varric and Isabela were still talking; she was obviously trying to not look as if she'd rather be there but failed miserably. 

"Glad you've found a group to fit with, Ryder" Shepard's attempt at being friendly towards Ryder sounded more like a sarcastically chastising Mother; maybe she didn't have much social grace, either.  "I see Cora's taken you under her wing"

"Yeah, uh, Cora's great"

"There a lot of assholes around here. A lot of troublemakers"

Shepard made a point to glare at Hawke to punctuate her sentence.

"Everyone seems cool so far"

"There are some people you should steer clear of, though. Shepard is right" Cora put in, looking back herself. "Vetra is a great friend of mine but it doesn't mean I always agree with the things she does or the company she keeps"

"Anyone that's friends with Hawke tends to be trouble" Shepard grunted.

"Everyone?" Ryder shuffled her feet, obviously finding the conversation awkward but not know how to get out of it.

"With the exception of Aveline" Cora continued from where Shepard had left off. "Although I'd hate to be in her position, looking after a group of adult children"

Before Ryder could reply, however, Cora turned back towards the bar and grinned.

"Look, it worked"

Shepard followed Cora's gaze to where Suvi and Traynor were animatedly talking at the bar; TYraynor had the biggest grin that Shepard had ever seen plastered across her face. 

"Suvi's had this little crush for a while now..." Cora began, catching the attention of the rest of the group.

"I'm all ears" Joker grinned.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set up sucks. I have so many plans but I hate writing beginnings.
> 
> The song that Hawke, Bela and Varric are screaming is Drink by Alestorm, a pirate metal band that may as well write songs about Isabela's life.


	5. Mahariel - The Whole Damn Rainbow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

_Mahariel_

Whilst Mahariel had never been Thedas' most optimistic elf, the last few years had been - for lack of a better word - absolutely shit.

It had started when her best - and only, since ending the secretive relationship she had had with Maren - friend Tamlen getting horribly, deliriously ill. Her entire clan - the affectionate name for the Dalish churches that dotted Thedas - including her Keeper and leader of the church hadn't been able to find the source for months and Mahariel had begun getting impatient.

The young elf refused to lose Tamlen; he had been as good as a brother to her since they were simply children. He knew everything about her, her secrets, her fears and doubts; he was the only person that understood her completely and, at the time, the only person that understood her distaste for Shemlen, Whilst Keeper Marethari had been trying to preach the goodness of all types of beings, Tamlen had told Mahariel enough stories about Shemlen when the two were growing up to form her own opinion. As far as she had known, it was Shemlen that were at fault for the death of her both of her parents when she was just a child, something that her Aunt Ashalle had never cared to dissaude her of until Tamlen fell ill. Why she had felt that this would be the best time to inform Mahariel of her parents' real would forever be lost on her; as it were, Mahariel found out that her Mother had walked off and abandoned her due to the grief of her Father's demise.

Mahariel was furious. 

Furious that she had been lied to, furious that she had been abandoned, furious that she was expected to respect the people that had left her alone for her entire life. Mahariel had left Ashalle without a word, spending  night and day by Tamlen, trying everything in her power to figure out just where the sickness had come from. He was the one person she was sure had never lied to her and whilst Ashalle tried to reason, Mahariel would not be reasoned with. A stubborn streak paired with a quiet, brooding persona had made Mahariel one of the hardest people to bring around.

Unfortunately, her obsession with finding a cure for Tamlen coupled with a need to spite both Ashalle and her parents left her at a disadvantage by the time higher education came around. She hadn't applied or studied, leaving her with little to no choices; being born in a year that had not held many children to her religion hadn't helped either. Then, one morning a decision was made on her behalf.

Ashalle - worried that Mahariel would throw everything away out of pure spite - had agreed for her to be sent off planet to a University to study History, the same University that Merrill would also attend. It had been the only option; with one of their own already going ahead, they had been able to convince the Dean to take Mahariel too. Marethari had agreed and it was set up; Mahariel would leave Thedas and, instead of going to a Dalish-based school on planet, would go to a mixed school off planet.

If Mahariel had been angry before she was now  _seething_.

When Marethari and Ashalle sat her down and told her she had screamed, something she did rarely, and fought tooth and nail to stay. They would not be budged and for the rest of her stay with the Clan she refused to speak, giving only cold silence to anyone that tried to interact with her. 

Then, the day before her departure, Mahariel had shaved her head.

Standing in front of a long mirror, she had taken clippers to long, deep red hair, hair that she had allowed Ashalle to intricately plait since she was just a child. Hair that was woven with clan beads and designs; hair that was as much a part of her heritage as the Vallaslin adorning her face. She had stood and let the clippers buzz the entire thing off, leaving only a slight red fuzz on top of her head, not even bothering to undo the plaits.

Ashalle had been distraught. 

"Oh, _Da'len_ , what have you done to your beautiful hair?"

Mahariel had let Ashalle run hands over her newly shaved head, affection warring with the bitterness inside  her. Tearfully, Ashalle had given her a locket - the final treasure of her parents - and hugged her tight. Mahariel found herself leaning in, slightly, some of the anger ebbing.

As soon as she arrived at the University, Mahariel decided that she would rather physically enter the Fade. 

The entire place was inhabited by Shemlen, Dwarves, a handful of Qunari, City Elves and species that Mahariel had only ever read about in books. To make matters worse, her only companion was Merrill, something that she was not grateful for.

It wasn't that Mahariel disliked Merrill specifically, it was simply that they had nothing in common. Whilst Merrill was always upbeat, happy to simply breathe and friendly to just about anyone (or thing) she met, Mahariel preferred her own space, hated talking to anyone she didn't know and was very happy being a pessimist. The two were simply the complete opposite of one another and whilst Mahariel was very happy to brood in silence, stewing in her own anger at the events that had transpired for her, Merrill was constantly trying to drag her out and make her smile. It was a kind-hearted gesture that Mahariel couldn't fault her for but she honestly wished that she could just be left alone to stew.

So while Merrill found herself pulled into a group of close knit friends, Mahariel studied alone, brooded and glared at Shemlen. Ever since Tamlen had gotten sick, ever since she had discovered her Mother's true demise, ever since she had been forced to leave and maybe, maybe even before then, the world had turned monotone to her. She woke, angry and bitter and wishing things were back to being simple; she stayed awake at night, re living easier times, an overwhelming sense of abandonment washing over her. Mahariel missed the grass, the trees, the simplicity of her home; most of all, she missed feeling like she belonged somewhere, to something. Mahariel missed having a sense of purpose.

The first dose of irony hit Mahariel one day during class. She had been seated next to a Shem mage who seemed just as eager to talk as she was, something she appreciated. Then, after a few weeks, Mahariel overheard the Mage quip about one of the men in the class; an idiot that she had a specific distaste for.

Mahariel had found herself laughing.

The rest of the class was spent with Morrigan - who had finally introduced herself - quipping about the idiots that inhabited their class. Morrigan was not only the first person that Mahariel really met at the University but was also the first Shemlen she had made an effort to get to know... and she found that, despite everything that she had known, she  _liked_ Morrigan.

Morrigan was sharp and distance, had a distaste for smalltalk and those around her and, most of all, was actually interested in the Dalish side of history. Mahariel began to find herself in Morrigan's company more and more - teaching her Clan History, helping her learn Elvish and verbally shitting all over anyone that looked at either of them. For the first time since Tamlen, Mahariel found herself with a companion that truly understood her.

Meeting Zevran and Alistair had been an even more unusual circumstance. It was obvious from her occasional pub outings with Morrigan that Zevran was someone that knew everybody; still, Mahariel had never considered ever talking to him, let alone becoming friends with him. She couldn't even describe how it had happened; Zevran had a way of worming his way into people's lives. One day she had barely met him, the next she was actually letting him place an arm around her in a friendly way. Mahariel would never understand her adoration for Zevran but she also presumed that nobody ever did.

Alistair had been someone that Mahariel had had an agenda against since the beginning. He had been one of her first housemates (alongside Shepard and a couple of other idiots) and she had hated him from the get go. Shepard, she could stand; she was no  nonsense and didn't ask stupid questions. The other two idiots hd been afraid ofher since she walked in. Alistair, however, hd constantly tried to get onto her good side, befriend her and always had a sarcastic quip ready for when he insulted her.

The two were bickering constantly but somewhere along the line, Mahariel began to grow quite fond of teasing the ever living shit out of Alistair. It may have taken months but by the time the lease was over - with Alistair moving to another house and Mahariel staying - the two had been somewhat friends, albeit with a friendship built on ribbing and faux hatred.

Once Mahariel finally settled and had warmed to Morrigan, she found herself unwillingly becoming more tolerant of Shemlen. By the time she went home for winter break, Tamlen was moving around - although very slowly - and when he asked how she had been doing, Mahariel found herself lying about her newfound friend. Whether it was due to a feeling of betraying Tamlen's friendship or due to his hatred for humans in general, Mahariel pretended that nothing had happened. Tamlen scoffed when Merrill waxed poetic about her newfound friends, calling her naive but to Merrill's credit she didn't say anything about Mahariel's new life. Mahariel was grateful for that. 

The second dose of irony hit Mahariel not long after she had begun hanging around Morrigan.

Mahariel had been ordering wine at the bar that she frequented - a quieter bar on campus that seemed to also be visited by Shepard and Merrill - when she had been approached by two burly, drunken men.

"Hey" the first growled. "I don;t like your type here. Fuckin' tattooed freak"

Mahariel had turned and stood to her fault height, shoulders squared at the men. Despite being over a head shorter than the smaller of the two, she was not fearful; Thedas was a dangerous world to live in and it was no secret that most of the students from the world were fully trained in one fighting style or another. Mahariel was confident enough that she could scare them off and she still had two years worth of anger pent up inside her, ready to burst free. Sure, she had found one person here that she could stand being around but it hadn't fixed anything; she still woke up, everything feeling grey and muted, angry and wishing to be anywhere else. Unleashing it on two unsuspecting brutes seemed like a fine idea.

"I suppose you want to do something about it?" she asked back, calm anger resonating in her voice.

"Yeah, I do"

"I've a spare few minutes and a right hook deserving of a Shem. _Bellanaris Din'an Heem_. I'd like to see you try"

"You fucking what?" 

"You won;t be so cocky when I'm grinding that shit on your face off on the floor" The second had stepped up to Mahariel too although she still didn't back down; she continued to stare them down, so focused that she didn't notice someone appearing at her side.

"Gentlemen, surely, there is no need for trouble"

Mahariel turned, confused, when she heard the thick accent coming from her side; Orlesian, none the less, and if there was one thing that Mahariel hated more than cocky Shemlen it was  _Orlesians_.

"Step back, lady. I'm teaching a lesson here"

"She is simply here trying to buy a drink. Surely this does not call for a fight"

"I'll fuck you up too, bitch, if you don't watch it"

Before anything could get physical, it became obvious that the bartender had seen the action and called over bar security. Two hulking Krogan came up behind the men, roughly pulling them from the bar as they screamed obscenities. 

"I am so sorry. Here, no charge on the drinks. I promise, this kind of thing doesn't happen often, they're just wankers" the bartender quickly apologised to Mahariel. Mahariel simply waved her off, annoyed; she had wanted to deal with the two herself, especially without the help of some Orlesian. 

Mahariel turned to the owner of the voice; a tall, slender woman stood next to her, all long legs, pale skin, red hair and pale blue eyes. There was a slight look of concern etched onto her face, although Mahariel couldn't get a read on anything else. This annoyed her even more; Mahariel had always been a quiet observer, preferring to get a personal read on people before interacting with them. Not being able to read this woman annoyed Mahariel to no end... as did the fact that Mahariel found her quite attractive.

"Are you okay?" the woman asked.

" _Dirthara-ma!_ You did not need to step in. I could have handled them myself" Mahariel kept her voice calm yet threatening enough.

"I have no doubt that you could. Two against two is much fairer than two against one though, no?" the woman didn't seem intimidated by Mahariel in the slightest; he voice was still light, almost musical. "I hate injustice. I am sorry, I could not just stand by and let them talk to you like that"

"A Shem who cares. That is a new one" Mahariel grunted.

"It is awful the way they treated you. I truly am sorry" the woman graced over Mahariel's blatant insult as if it were nothing. "My name is Leliana"

"Mahariel" she begrudgingly replied; Leliana was beginning to fluster her slightly, not reacting in the way that she wished.

Leliana nodded to Mahariel in farewell, picked u her drinks and took them over to a table inhabited only by a dark skinned Antivan woman. 

Mahariel didn't speak to Leliana for a while after their initial meeting. She saw her around, occasionally talking to Zevran or one of Merrill's new friends. When she saw Mahariel she would wave, something that confused her; Morrigan had decided already that she didn;t like Leliana, despite the two never having spoken.

Mahariel bumped into Leliana again properly one night in the library; unable to sleep, she had walked down to the all night bookhouse, ready to see what History books they kept. To her surprise she had found Leliana at one of the tables, pouring over a book of old tales. As Mahariel walked past her, she couldn't help but notice that Leliana was reading a tale about the old Elven clans; when she heard Mahariel approach she simply smiled.

"Good evening, Mahariel. I did not think anyone would be awake at this hour"

" _Andaran atish'an_. I did not know that you were interested in Dalish history"

"I admit, I do not know much about your people but the tales truly are fascinating" Leliana said, gesturing to the chair next to her. Despite herself, Mahariel found herself sitting down next to Leliana. "I am sure you have heard all of these before, no?"

"I have, although your interest intrigues me" Mahariel admitted. She had never met anyone that wasn't Dalish - apart from Morrigan - that indulged in their tales. Whilst one part of Mahariel told her to get up and leave, a bigger part was interested enough to stay put. "Tell me what you know"

With a small smile, Leliana closed the book and began recalling a tale to Mahariel. It was one that she had heard before, many times, yet hearing it fall from Leliana's lips made Mahariel feel as though it was the first time she had ever heard it. She found herself listening intently, watching the way Leliana formed the words with her mouth or gesticulated slightly; she was obviously excited to tell this story and it was unsurprising to Mahariel when she glanced at Leliana's otehr textbooks and found that she was studying Literature. Despite Mahariel's general distaste for Orlesian accents, she found something endearing about Leliana's voice; sweet, honeyed and lilted. The only time Mahariel could stand the damned accent.

When Leliana was finished, she asked if she had told the story right; for the most part she had but she seemed all too happy when Mahariel pointed out a handful of falsities, writing them down to remember them for later. This human was quirky, Mahariel thought, and before she knew what had happened a few hours had passed on the backs of the tales the elf and the human had told each other. 

Mahariel hadn't noticed how much she enjoyed Leliana's company until it threatened to leave. 

Whilst their conversations had been enjoyable and Mahariel found herself surprisingly happy to teach Leliana about her history, Leliana managed to slip up, asking her about her opinions on City Elves. When Mahariel had mentioned the abuse they suffered, Leliana had defended them much to Mahariel's disgust.

"Many elves are treated well, even better than humans, for their servitude"

"I suppose you think I should give myself over to the  _Shemlen_ then?" Mahariel had spat and before Leliana could say anything she was striding out of the building. Mahariel wasn't sure why it hurt so much to find that Leliana was no different to the other humans around her but she knew it did. The sinking feeling in her stomach made her feel sick; she pushed it aside, focused on her anger instead.

Mahariel didn't hear Leliana running up behind her until she was right at her back.

"Wait!" Leliana was breathless. "I am so sorry. That was careless of me. I used my words clumsily. Please, please forgive me"

Mahariel expected to be angry but when she turned to see the flustered woman before her, her anger melted. Leliana had run after her, empty handed in the early hours of the morning simply to apologise. Mahariel was astounded.

"You left your things behind" was all she could manage to mutter. She wished she could shout, chastise Leliana but she was so taken aback by the actual apology she was receiving that the words didn't come.

Leliana waved her hand in response.

"They are only things. Apologising to you is more important than material possessions"

"It was not okay, what you said" Mahariel narrowed her eyes. "It was careless"

"I know. I am truly sorry. Please, forgive me" Leliana clasped her hands together. "You have every right to chastise me. I did not mean to upset you. I have enjoyed spending time with you and I do not wish for it to stop"

Mahariel took in the woman before her; her face was as sincere as she had ever seen it and Mahariel was taken aback. This woman actually enjoyed her company.

"I accept your apology. Do not do it again"

"Thank you"

"It is getting late, however. Perhaps we should retire for the night" Mahariel said and then, at the slight disappointment on Leliana's face, added "but perhaps we should do this again"

Mahariel found that they did meet again, a bi-weekly routine that neither quite created but both fit into very easily. It seemed that sleep had trouble finding them both regularly; Leliana opened up about feeling forced to leave her hometown due to her abusive ex, having stayed for a while in Lothering before finally deciding to head into higher education and Mahariel found herself telling Leliana of the betrayal she felt at her previous family. Despite herself, Mahariel began to find Leliana more and more endearing.

One night, as Leliana told another tale, Mahariel found herself wanting to lean in and take the words from her lips with a kiss. It shook her completely to her core, enough to cut the evening short and run straight home.

It was obvious that Leliana was attractive - Mahariel could admit that - but actually falling for her, a Shemlen none the less, was something completely different. She had been denying the butterflies in her stomach, stabbing them down aggressively whenever she could but the more time she spent with Leliana, the less she could deny what she was beginning to feel. Mahariel had been taught all her life that relations between the Dalish and humans were strictly wrong; any children of these affairs would barely be admitted by either side and it often led to members being cast out of families. Then, of course, there was Tamlen; he would have had enough of a fit knowing that Mahariel had befriended anyone other than another Dalish, let alone that she was thinking about a human in that way. 

Mahariel skipped their next meeting. She skipped the next and the next. Whilst she received messages from Leliana which she briefly responded to, she didn't see her. Mahariel thought that this might help; it didn't.

Unwittingly, Mahariel had begun to become happier when Leliana was around; things were lighter, she was focusing harder in class and she had something to look forward to ever few days. Cutting herself off from Leliana put Mahariel back into a miserable spiral; she missed her.  Mahariel tried to convince herself that this was for the best but she found that the more time she spent away from the bard, the more time she spent thinking about her. 

On the evening in which she was finishing a big project - the different angles of the stars from different planets - Mahariel found herself give in and ask Leliana to watch the skies with her. Leliana accepted and didn't press further as to why Mahariel had been distant; Leliana didn't press when she sensed not to and for that Mahariel was grateful. As the watched the skies, side by side, Mahariel found herself looking more at Leliana than the stars. She had come to respect the human greatly; Leliana could spin the most boring of things into an intriguing tale, could sing with the voice of an angel and had a knack for reading people, even better than Mahariel. She understood Mahariel's general quiet aloofness and was happy to sit in silence; when she did fill the silence it was never out of necessity but because she seemed to genuinely enjoy telling Mahariel things or asking for her opinion. There was something about her, Mahariel thought, something that somehow made her both deadly and sweet. A romantic, a poetic speaker yet one that Mahariel knew could have deadly tongue and probably be as deadly in a fight; a wicked, sometimes filthy sense of humor paired with a mouth that could recite the sweetest verses in the world. Mahariel truly had never met anyone like Leliana.

That night, after Mahariel had noted down everything she needed, she listened whilst Leliana talked, as always enraptured. A shiver spun down her spine when Leliana reached up to run her hand through the soft, outgrown hair on Mahariel's head.

"I know you said that you shaved your hair in spite but... it does suit you" Leliana murmured, playing the short strands through her fingers. Mahariel turned to Leliana to speak and found the words lost immediately on her lips; Leliana's face was right in front of hers, her fingers stil carding through Mahariel's hair, a slight, complacent smile on her pale features.

Once again Mahariel found that she wanted to steal the words from Leliana's lips with her own.

This time, she did.

The kiss quashed any doubts that Mahariel had; feeling Leliana's lips on her own, kissing back, Leliana sighing into her mouth as she allowed entrance felt nothing less than  _right_. Leliana's hands continued to stroke Mahariel's hair; Mahariel reached to caress Leliana's cheek, the soft porcelain skin flushed under her touch. When they broke apart, Mahariel found herself smiling for the first time in a long time.

She still fought with herself, warring internally. When she was alone the thoughts of her clan, of Tamlen and Ashalle and what they might think invaded. Sometimes, she agreed; sometimes, she fought them; after all, they sent her here, could they really be angry? How was that fair? Maybe Leliana was right after all; maybe if both sides opened up more, this wouldn't even be a problem.

When Mahariel was with Leliana the doubts disappeared. Merrill had even commented, excitedly, that she seemed happier than ever, pulling her into an excited hug that Mahariel actually allowed. Surely, if Merrill could balance newfound friendship and her past kin, so could Mahariel.

Mahariel's final doubts were completely beaten down when she spent the first night with Leliana. There had been no rush in their relationship; no labels, nothing fast paced, just simple enjoyment. When Leliana had whispered  _"take me to bed"_ in her ear one evening as the two were curled up together on the sofa, not watching the humming television in lieu of passionate kisses and curious touches, Mahariel had been happy to oblige. 

It hadn't taken her long to undress Leliana; Mahariel sat up, straddling Leliana's hips to take off her own shirt and as she did truly drank in Leliana laying naked beneath her; pale skin flushed a slight pink; lips swollen, a smile ghosting them; pale blue eyes wide, pupils dilated; a halo of red hair, fanned on the pillow as long, slender fingers played of the groove of her hip. Every soft curve and hard line of her body, Mahariel drank them all in and would swear the the creators that she had never seen anyone so beautiful as Leliana was in that moment.

" _Vhenan_ " Mahariel barely noticed the term of endearment fall from her lips as she gazed down, Leliana's fingers toying with the hem of her trousers. "So beautiful"

Leliana sat up, kissing Mahariel hard on the lips, slipping her trousers and smallclothes off of her so that they were both naked. She pulled Mahariel back down with her, on top of her.

"Not as beautiful as you,  _cherie_ "

That night, Mahariel lost herself completely in Leliana; for hours they moved together, discovering each other's bodies. Mahariel mapped every part of Leliana that she wanted to re visit, leaving small teeth marks, earning gasps. Whilst Mahariel had been intimate with one or two others before, being with Leliana was different in ways she couldn't describe - later, Leliana would call it  _making love_ and Mahariel would find the words perfect.

That night, Mahariel had pressed herself against Leliana's back as she slept; had brushed the hair gently from her face, followed every mole and freckle on her body with her fingertips; that night, Mahariel made a promise to discover every secret Leliana had to offer her.

Almost a year later, still hadn't told anyone in the clan about Leliana or anything that was happening whilst she was away. Whilst Tamlen was better and grilling her for answers, she lied through her teeth and begged that Merrill keep quiet.

Mahariel kept the letters Leliana wrote - preferring the intimacy of pen and paper to text - when she was away, tracing the words that her love had written. 

It didn't matter that she was leading two different versions of one life; Leliana had brought colour back to Mahariel's life. It was worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> theonlyeggception.tumblr.com
> 
> twitter.com/cherryisaghost


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